“Learning Resilience”

Nobody seeks out suffering. And yet it is one of life’s great ironies that the moments that make us feel weakest often reveal our hidden strengths. We don’t really know what we can endure until we are forced to endure it. Yale University professor Steven Southwick believes that “most of us are a lot more resilient than we think.”1 He compares us to a green tree branch—it may not seem as strong as a more mature, rigid limb. But in a strong wind it’s the green branch that survives, bending but never breaking.

That’s easy to forget when the winds of life seem to be tossing us about. Resilient people know they can’t stop the storm, but they can decide how they react to it. They can take charge of their present and therefore their future. Whatever the challenge may be—a financial crisis, poor health, a conflict in the family or other relationships—they do their best to continue.

One middle-aged woman learned about her own resilience when her husband died, followed shortly thereafter by serious health problems of her own. The string of difficulties seemed unending, but she just carried on—one hour, one day, and one week at a time. It wasn’t easy, but it became easier with the passing of time.

And that’s the other hidden blessing of suffering: those experiences that seem to be weakening us are actually, in many cases, not only revealing our strength but also increasing it. They require resilience, but at the same time they teach us resilience. They prompt us to develop a more optimistic view by cultivating friendships with positive people. They move us to challenge our negative thoughts and strive for a larger perspective. They can even inspire us to reach out to others in love and kindness, which always helps us feel better. Ultimately, patiently bearing up under trials will develop in us the strength and resilience to bend but not break, to remain positive, and even to enjoy inner peace as the storms of life swirl around us.

In Clare Ansberry, “Resilience Can Be Learned,” Wall Street Journal, Mar. 25, 2015, D1, D3, www.wsj.com/articles/after-loss-how-to-learn-resilience-1427225009.