A wise ship captain keeps his vessel in constant repair. He knows that a small leak today can grow into a sizeable hole tomorrow and sink the boat. He would never postpone even a small fix, because it could not only save a costly repair later but could also save the very lives of his passengers.

This seems logical and responsible when applied to leaky ships, but many of us don’t take similar immediate action when small cracks appear in our relationships. Too often it seems easier to ignore little problems, hoping they’ll just resolve themselves and go away. Yet our relationships are infinitely more important than boats, car engines, rooftops, or other things that get our attention the minute trouble arises.

Our connections with family members and friends can be the central satisfaction of our lives. These relationships deserve our finest efforts, even when it may be uncomfortable to sit down and iron out difficulties together. If we procrastinate this mending process, we learn, too late, that the old idiom is true: A stitch in time saves nine. In other words, a timely effort now can avert a crisis later.

One man asks his wife and children to have what he calls a “maintenance meeting” with him once a month. By asking about misunderstandings when they’re fresh, he finds he can smooth over hurt feelings before they grow into resentment. He can show he cares, apologize if necessary, and keep harmony in the family. His children now look forward to their monthly appointments with Dad. They know their voices will be heard, their opinions respected and valued. And they’ve learned, from their father’s example, to cherish relationships and to fix small problems before they become big ones.

We can take a similar approach in our homes, in the workplace, wherever we are. When we wonder if someone is hurt or upset, instead of shrugging it off, we can, with love and respect, invite them to talk about it. In this way, we can ward off potential disaster and, like the wise captain of an airtight ship, keep our relationships afloat.

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I believe in the scriptural injunction, “judge not that ye be not judged” [because] “with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Mat. 7:1-2). I have learned to always pause and think before condemning another person’s action. Knowing the reasons behind actions before coming to a conclusion has given me an understanding heart and always makes me a better judge.

For example, when I was on mission, we had a new missionary from the Missionary Training Center. This new missionary was always crying. Everybody thought he was feeling homesick-something that usually happens to most new missionaries. So no attention was given to him. His crying continued from days to weeks to even months. Yet, nobody cared to know why he was crying most times. Instead, some missionaries including me mocked, laughed, and teased him, calling him funny names like “the crying Elder” and chastising him. Some said he wasn’t mature yet and he should be sent home to cry to his mother. The young elder became more emotionally distressed so much so that he felt sick and was hospitalized for days. The doctor’s report stated that he was in a deep emotional stress. Then we got to know why he was always crying. He lost his father in an accident a few days before he was to report to the MTC. It was so grievous that it made him cry most times. When I got to know this, my heart was filled with guilt and pains. The pains I felt then were great and unfathomable and I hated myself for acting so mean towards the new missionary.

Since then, I have learned to never judge people without knowing the reason for their actions. I have come to believe that the more you look, the less you see. What we see, we feel is there and what we do not see, we feel is not there but that is not always true. I have learned in life to look as far as the road went before concluding on issues. Some matters appear like an iceberg; only a portion is visible but deep beneath lies something gigantic. I seek to see the whole iceberg and know all the reasons before concluding. This has helped me to have an understanding heart with people.

Oh, how our life would be different if we stopped making negative and quick judgments about people we encounter. Let us always look for the good in others, respect them, and be slow to condemn them. Judging a person does not define who they are, rather it defines who we are.

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When a young family moved into their first home, they decided to build a playhouse for the kids in the backyard. The parents and children threw their hearts into the project, carefully selecting the wood, the shingles, and all the supplies. Great pride and satisfaction swelled in their hearts as it took shape. When friends came to play, the children would proudly show them how the playhouse was coming along. And the first thing they said to Dad when he came home from work was, “When can we work on our playhouse?”

But when the playhouse was finished, the parents noticed that the children rarely played in it. They discovered “that having the house wasn't really what motivated them. It was the building of it, and how they felt about their own contribution, that they found satisfying.”1 Turns out it was the process that was important, not the finished product.

You've probably experienced this yourself. It’s a common phenomenon: A championship team rejoices when they raise the trophy, but they also cherish the smaller victories and defeats throughout the season. Parents feel proud on their son’s wedding day, but the memories that persist are of the smaller, simpler moments of his childhood. A college graduate is grateful for the diploma she receives, but what she’ll long remember are the long nights studying for finals, the professors who inspired her, and the excitement she felt every time she learned something new. It seems that getting there is indeed half the fun-and almost all of the memories.

So instead of waiting only for something to end, try to enjoy the moments along the way. Though there may be difficulties and wearisome effort, don’t be so eager for the destination that you miss the simple joys of the journey. Remember what the family learned from their playhouse-real growth and bonding and learning come in all of life’s ages and stages, not just at the end.

1. See Clayton Christensen and others, How Will You Measure Your Life?(2012), 37-38.

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